Monday, December 31, 2012

Have you ever?

Have you ever worked SO hard at something for an entire year and accomplish nothing at yet everything at the same time?

My year in review, that's how I feel.  I have worked SO HARD at losing weight this entire year.  I started running in March after we moved.  I got a great group of girls to run with.  We ran all summer, 3 and 4 times a week for at least 3 miles.  I worked my way to a 10 minute mile, and some times a 9.5 minute mile.

I then felt like I was holding them back.  Most days I could only do a 12 minute mile and these girls could run 8-10 minute miles easy.  My 12 minutes was really pushing it for me.  I decided to run on my own and that didn't last long.  It started getting cold and I started finding excuses but I made it to September, I was proud.

I started at a gym in September and started doing kickboxing, running, and a weight lifting class.  I was working out even more. 1-2 hours every day, Monday through Saturday.  I have fallen in love with some of the instructors (well mainly one, she knows who she is if she's reading) and others are just fine. All throughout this I have lost NOTHING. Not even one ounce.  Today I weighed in at 210 lbs.  I have gone from 212 to 204 then back up and around and down and all over but never above 212 and never below 204.

So, throughout this year I feel like I have failed and yet succeeded in so many ways.  I feel like I failed because I didn't even get below 200.  I really wanted that. But other than that, I've succeeded.

I never gave up.  I love exercising.  I thrive for it most days.  It gets me going in the morning and puts me to sleep each night. I have become happier being me and being as healthy as I can vs worrying so much about the weight. I have brought my mile down from 17 minutes to a 10 minute mile and then down to a 9.5 min mile (as long as I only run one mile).  I am stronger.  I am better.  I am me!  Here's to a new year with continued success.  I hope this year will bring weight-loss but if not, I will know I can continue to succeed!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Life is . . .

I seriously have no words to write right now.  I just got back from taking my daughter to her dance class which was cancelled.  We got there and her sweet dance teacher was in tears.  Her brother-in-law had been killed doing border control in AZ.  I hate it when violence hits close to home.  I like living in my naive little world where nothing bad happens to me.  I didn't know how to react.  I've never lost a sibling and I hope I never have to when they are young.  I've lost great grandparents, but I still have 2 great grandmothers alive and all of my grand parents are still live and kicking strong.  Death is not something I am use to, and to be honest, I do not want to get use to it.  It's no fun.  Even though I KNOW my family is a forever family and I WILL see my family again, death still hurts.

As I think about death and this trial for my friend, I realize me not losing weight is so minimal to the worlds trials right now.  It seems so petty now to be sad and frustrated over such a trivial thing.  I hope I can focus more on other people and serving them than on what is not happening or what is going wrong in my life.

Monday, October 1, 2012

It's hard -

We are buying tickets to Hawaii this week.  We will be going in January or February.  I am excited and yet mad at the same time.  This time last year when we decided we would go, I was determined to be down to my goal weight.  It is now one year later and here I sit at the exact same weight as before.  I am ready to go to the doctor about not losing weight but not until I give it my all.  Over the next 4 weeks I will be keeping track of EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth.  It's a new month so I can start new!  Here's to October!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Roller Coaster Ride

Last Thursday I had my weekly weigh-in.  Now that I have a gym, I actually weigh myself every time I go. REALLY NOT GOOD!

There is a reason they say not to weigh yourself more than once a week.  I know this reason, and yet, 
I still weigh myself everyday.  Some days I walk away hopeful,
and others, like today, I walk away discouraged.

A friend of mine posted a blog about infertility this morning.  It's a major trial in her life.  
I feel pretty superficial this morning even comparing my trial of weight-loss to her trial of having a family.
Her trial is so much more important in the eternal scheme of things but every single word she wrote I connected with in my own way. 

She talked of having the faith that she would have babies again (she just had twins, YAY!) but having lost the HOPE that it would happen.
I think I am there. It is just so darn frustrating.  I work my BUTT off every day now.  3 weeks I have worked out EVERY SINGLE day but Sunday, and here I sit at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago.

Last Thursday I was down 3 lbs.  This morning I am up 3 lbs so I sit at the exact same weight.
There are so many people I talk to that have their own success stories with getting fit and losing weight.  I look at them and think, why can't that be me?  Why after a year of working so hard, am I still over 200 lbs? Why has God given me this trial?  What am I suppose to learn from it?

Here are a few things I have learned about being heavy most of my life:

People are MEAN. They see a heavy person and think they must sit on their couch and eat bon bons all day.  Even though I have no clue what a freaking bon bon is!

As a kid being overweight it is so HARD. I never wish that on my kids. Again with the PEOPLE ARE MEAN. High school was torture for me. ZERO dates in high school.

Being heavy has led to severe emotional problems for me.  Satan grabs hold of my insecurities and yanks them all over the place.  I HATE HIM! 

Obesity will be with me my ENTIRE life.  Even if I reach my goal weight of 150 lbs, I will still have to watch every single thing I put in my mouth. If I have an indulge myself day, I will have to work 2 times as hard the next day. This trial will be with me FOREVER. 

I guess it's time to embrace it and decide to not let it control me.  I wish I could be the person that can eat whatever they want and still lose weight.  I wish I didn't wear a size 16 pants.  

I wish I played with my kids more and did more fun things with them, but I don't.
I never use to attribute that to losing weight but it's true.  I hear it all the time.

It's time to embrace myself, love myself, and get on with this weight loss roller coaster ride!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Working Out

I was suppose to wake up at 5 AM and go do a PUMP class.
I LOVE that class.
But I could not drag myself out of bead!

There are a million reasons why I couldn't . . .
my daughter climbed into bed with us at who knows what time
I went to bed late
I was feeling nauseaus
I had a migraine
I woke up at 4:30 AM and didn't fall back asleep til probably 5
I was just plain EXHAUSTED!

I am actually kicking myself for not going.
Now I have to find a way to get my 45-60 minutes of exercise in.
Not a fun task when you have 2 kids age 1 at home.

BLECK!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

First Time for Everything

Well, There's a first time for everything!

Today for breakfast I decided to start doing smoothies on a regular basis.
I bought doTerra Slim and Sassy Trim shakes and they actually don't taste too bad!

I added strawberries, peaches, bananas, spinach, orange juice and milk.
By using the OJ and milk I added calories to the smoothie but for me I think that will be good.  
It's still under 300 calories for breakfast!  I might make one for lunch too and have just a half of sandwich.

I am starting to feel better I think.  I feel like I have more energy.  I actually have no desire 
to sit at the computer all day and do NOTHING! 
(Although, I'm not sure if that has anything to do with eliminating sugars and white flour
or the fact that someone called me out on being neglectful to my kids
for spending too much time on the internet!)

Today I weighed myself and I am down 2.5lbs from Friday!

I am finally willing and dedicated to this challenge.  I've been following it to a "T"
but my heart hasn't been in it!

Here's to hoping the weight continues to come off!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday's

Mondays are usually referred to as DREADED! 

They interrupt your weekend of fun, care free, or busy days of doing only the stuff that YOU want to do! 

I am usually on that bandwagon of 
DREADED MONDAYS 
but not today.

Today my Monday is GOOD!

Monday's are good because they give you a fresh start.  It's the start of the day when I 
renew my goals to have the kids up, dressed, fed, and ready for the day by 8:30 AM.
I vow to get my laundry done and stay on top of the dishes
(which is helpful when you wake up and your wonderful husband has done all the dishes for you the night before when you went to bed EARLY so you could vow to exercise the next morning)
I vow to work out every morning for at least an hour
I vow to take care of my kids better and stay off the computer

I have accomplished these tasks today.  I ran 3.2 miles in 34 minutes this morning.
Then I wanted to throw up!
I got showered and ready for the day by 7:00 AM
Then I wanted to go back to bed
I got the kids fed and ready for the day by 8:00 AM and the dishes are already done.

By Wednesday these goals probably will be out the window.

My Wednesday will be a BAD day. When I throw
care to the WIND!
And I look forward to Friday when I get to do what I WANT!

But for today, I will relish in my Monday,

That is GOOD!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Harder than you think!

It's so much harder than you think to limit your sugars.  WOW!  I know I've said this many times before and I am sure I will say it many times again but sugar is EVERYWHERE!  I hate it.  Now I know why I haven't been losing weight.

Today I went to eat my cereal and it had 9g of sugar in it, UGH! I miss my cereal and I haven't gotten use to the idea oatmeal.  I wish breakfast were easier.  I am going to start doing green smoothies in the morning and lunch and then a balanced dinner.  If it's a good recipe and my brain isn't fried that night, maybe I will post it here.

Cooking and baking are an escape for me.  I love to cook and bake.  I just need to find a better way to do it!  I found this GREAT article on eliminating sugars from your diet, now I just need to find it again!

http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/slay-the-sugar-monster-in-four-doable-steps/

Friday, September 14, 2012

Struggling Strong

Why is this battle so hard for me?  Why was I given this trial to go through?  Not that I would wish any other trial on me, I know there are so many that suffer so much more than me and my weight issues but man, when you work so hard you just want something to change.

I need to quit cheating myself and put my whole heart and head into this 8 week challenge. 
Today I had the opportunity to have some much needed quality time with my oldest son. He really wanted to make cookies so I decided today will be my free day instead of tomorrow and took the time to make cookies and enjoy them with him. I have such a migraine now and a sick stomach. If this is what it's like to go back on sugar, I doubt I ever go back!
 I thought this challenge wouldn't be too hard.  I thought I ate relatively healthy.  Little did I know there is sugar in EVERYTHING you eat.  It's labeled healthy and it's not.  It may have less sugar but still so crappy for you.  I need to get out and do some real grocery shopping for this challenge so I can get on the good band wagon and kick things into gear!

Monday, September 10, 2012

What I've learned in a week -

I have learned it is WAY harder than I ever thought to eliminate most sugar out of my diet.

I have learned way too many foods are marketed as healthy and yet they have 14 g or more of sugar per serving.

I have learned I can survive without eating all the sugar, although I still crave it, I just drink water or chew gum.

I have learned I need to try harder and work harder on keeping the 2g of sugar or less rule.  There were a few times this last week I cheated a bit.

This last week wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I used Saturday as my free day.  We were out of town and eating at a friends house and they had made hamburgers and hot dogs with chips and ice cream.  Totally not the healthy lunch I needed but they were gracious enough to let us into their home, I wasn't going to go demanding things of them.

I need to take this challenge more seriously.  I've gotta lose at least 20lbs by February for our trip to Hawaii.  I would LOVE to weigh less than when I got married to Cris when we take our whole family to Hawaii.  Here goes nothing!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A New Day -

Today was the first day I struggled with the desire for sugar.  It wasn't even sugar I was wanting, just something to eat.  I am proud to say I came away on the winning end. I had NO white flour and NO sugar today. I met my water and sleep goals.  I am accomplishing this one day at a time.

I was asked why I wanted to do this challenge.  I worked my BUTT off all summer.  I got up to running 4 miles at a time.  I did challenges that included 400 jumping jacks, squats, crunches, and so on, and I lost NOTHING.  August was a rut for me.  I stopped working out for the most part.  I still ran but not as hard and not as long and not as dedicated as before.  I was beat.  A friend of mine mentioned this challenge and I decided I would hop on the band wagon.  At first I wanted to just follow along without paying.  I know myself and decided to have some accountability to myself and hit the pay pal button and hurried and hit pay before I backed out.  Here I am.  I weigh 210 lbs and am ready to kick this thing for REAL!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Do you know?

Do you know anyone that has lost a ton of weight?  I have 60 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight. and another 15 to get to my ULTIMATE goal.

There are days I find myself doubting that I will ever reach it.  Weight has been a life long battle for me.  I haven't always been overweight but I have always been bigger than the kids around me. I was usually picked last on teams because I wasn't athletic.  Being picked last is the worst thing that can happen to a child in elementary school . . . am I wrong?

I wonder daily if/when I reach my goal, will it get any easier or will I have to constantly workout for an hour or more each day.  Will it become a lifestyle or will I always dread it.  I need to find the positives and decide I like the changes I am making in my eating habits and not wish I could eat sugars.  As long as I keep wishing I could, I will keep craving it, and as long as I keep craving it, I will continue to indulge.

Please, tell me it gets better!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

It's been rough -

It's been a rough couple days. 
How do people eat healthy or stay skinny or get skinny without going crazy?

I know I need to focus more on me being happy and not on being skinny but when you work so hard and get no results it is more than frustrating.

I've been trying to get into a Gold's Gym to get a membership so I can start going to classes at 5:30 AM every morning but getting there during the day is proving to be a MAJOR challenge.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt ridding my home of all processed sugar.  I want to put it into a box and send it with my husband to his work.  I know he would not be happy if I threw it all away and I'm not so sure he is ready to make the changes I am so we will do what we can.

Please, if you're reading this let me know this is possible?

Today's Weight 210

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Motivation and Desire

Hi, I am Callie, and I am TIRED of being FAT.  I have worked my BUTT off this summer and lost nothing.  It is SO FRUSTRATING to hit a plateau for an entire summer.  I guess that isn't entirely true.  I hit a plateau from May to the end of July and then I gave up in August. 

It is now September and I am ready to jump on the band wagon again.  A friend of mine introduced me to an 8 week challenge.  The challenge involves no sugar and no white flour for 8 weeks.  No fast food, drink lots of water, and get the sleep needed.  It also includes writing in a journal daily.  I have a personal journal but right now I can't find it so here I am, starting this blog.

My biggest motivation for this challenge is getting over this plateau.  I will also be joining a gym membership, possibly a boot camp class, and I hope to Heaven and High earth I hope to lose this weight for good.
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