Friday, March 22, 2013
Sometimes it's ok!
It's been over a week since I posted. I've just felt off for the last little bit, but today I woke up feeling GREAT with renewed strength to continue on this journey of mine!
I made a goal on March 15th that by June 15th I wanted to lose 25lbs. 3 months, totally doable! I think that is what started me off not feeling great. For the last 1 1/2 years I have never had a goal in mind. I've wanted to lose weight, but mostly I wanted to be more active. I finally had gotten sick of not losing weight and was determined to hit 175. My husband has NEVER known me at less that 185.
This goal changed me though. It changed the way I looked at everything. I became obsessed. I started weighing myself every chance I got. I started freaking out about what I was eating, and I started feeling like a failure.
It's funny to me, that before my goal even started, I began to give up and feel like a failure! Why did setting a goal make me feel like a failure? Pretty sure it has something to do with a man named Satan and emotions of never giving or being enough. He likes to get at me that way. He knows my weaknesses and he likes to pry them open with a crow bar and then pour salt into my wounds.
Wednesday and Thursday were such blah days, they were the salt in my wounds! I didn't want to do anything. I woke up with a migraine on Wednesday. I ate way too many crappy things. I just didn't care. I was burnt out. Normally I feel bad about taking days off at the gym, but not this time, because sometimes it's ok to take a break. It's ok to step back and take a look at what is going on in your life and what needs to really change. It's ok to get the rest your body needs so when you do get up and decide to workout, you can kick trash at that workout and have the best workout yet. It will leave you SORE and your muscles on fire, but it is totally worth it! I love the active lifestyle I have now. I love the desire I have for getting out and getting a good burn in for the day. It makes me a happier person!
I want to keep my goal of 175lbs but if it doesn't happen, no harm done. I can't continue obsessing over losing weight. I need to remember that it's ok to get tired, it's ok to take a break, and sometimes it's ok to eat like crap, as long as I get back up and feel better and keep trying!
Today, when my alarm went off, I climbed back in bed, expecting to do the same thing, sleep in and have a blah day. I didn't really want to get up and go to the gym at 4:30 AM. Lucky for me, I had only hit snooze on my alarm and it went off 5 minutes later. I got up, said a prayer that today would be a good day, and I kicked butt at the gym. I feel sore already. I learned a new move that will knock the socks off of love handles I am pretty sure! I started my day off right, here's to hoping I can start the weekend off right!