Thursday, April 17, 2014

Disgusting -

Last night as I was doing day 3 of T25, there was a lot of jumping involved.  Normally I wear tight pants, like biker shorts, but capri's.  Last night I decided to wear basketball shorts and boy was that a BAD decision!  I could LITERALLY hear my lower abdominal fat slap against my legs and lower abs.  It made me want to vomit.  What have I done to myself?  Why did I let it get this far?  Why is losing weight so hard for me?  Why is it so hard to stay on track, eat healthy, and do it all?

I know that we are sent to Earth to learn and grow.  Sometimes I wish I were born with the genes to be skinny without thinking about it.  To be what the world thinks is beautiful.  I wish that Satan didn't have so much hold on the hearts of men (and women) to make us feel ugly, fat, stupid, etc.  It makes me so irritated when I look at myself in the mirror and think "ewww, yuck, disgusting, ugly, fat, etc." because then IMMEDIATELY after I think - that's not true.  I hate that he can get to me like that!!!

I want more than anything to overcome this obstacle of weight!  I want to be FREE of the hold it has on me.  I also want to always love the body I have!  I am grateful for the body I have.  That I am able to have children.  Four beautiful children in fact!  I am so grateful for that!  I hope that I can teach my daughters to love themselves, no matter what, but I can only do that, if I show the same respect to myself!

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