It's been a while . . . and excerpts from the General Women's Meeting

It's been a while since I posted.  After completing T25 I struggled to find a routine this summer.  I still lost weight and I even got all the way down to 189!  I was so excited.  Of course that was the day before leaving for a 2 week vacation to Disneyworld and Florida so needless to say a few of the pounds have come back.  I am recommitting again and starting tomorrow on the 21 day fix meal plan.  I am excited to get back into a routine again and let these last 50 lbs disappear for good!

Last night I had the opportunity of attending  the General Women's Meeting for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Oh my heart is so full from the feelings and teachings taught there.  In my religion, we believe that we have prophets on earth today that teach us and guide us. The General Women's meeting is a meeting of all women in the church ages 8 to 108!  To gather all those sisters together across the globe, AMAZING! To feel the Spirit of all those women gathered together, even more amazing!

I started yesterday off horrible.  Cris and I were super grouchy with each other all day.  There were words said and feelings hurt.  I was so close to not even going to the meeting but I am so glad that I did!

As I entered the doors of the stake center I was so close to tears.  I pleaded in my heart for answers and peace.  I found irony in the title of the opening song "On This Day of Joy and Gladness" because my day was anything but.  Shortly after there was a presentation of these sweet little girls from Korea singing I Love To See The Temple.

 

As I was sitting there I felt as if arms were surrounding me and a scripture came to my mind -

John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you

To say tears came is an understatement! I felt the joy start to build and the pride and stubborness in my heart start to fall. I also gained a stronger desire to attend the temple more often.
 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2014/10?lang=eng&vid=3810258133001&cid=6

There were many other promptings felt and I hope that I follow through with each of them.  One of the most profound thoughts I had as I was sitting there, all alone (or so I thought as I had no one sitting on either side of me) was this - Sometimes God lets us have bad days so that we are brought down, are more humble, or have a more open and pleading heart to feel of His love and guidance.  If I hadn't have had such a bad day today, would I have had the pleading heart to feel his love and receive his guidance with an open heart?

I hope that as I go through this week I can keep the feelings I felt in my heart and work on the things I felt prompted to work on.  I am grateful for a bad day so that I could have an open heart.  I am grateful for the Prophet and for the Apostles.  I am so grateful for the guidance we can receive this day.  I am grateful for the restored gospel.  I am grateful for our Savior and for his atonement.  I know that he felt my bad day, he felt my sorrow and frustrations.  He is with me always.  I know that at times I need to be less stubborn and let my heart be more open.  I am looking forward to General Conference this coming weekend to hear the words of the Prophet.  

I am human too!

Friends -

PiYo sweat is no joke!

I have been MIA for a few weeks.

Life get's busy.

You get complacent.

You fall back into some of your bad habits.

We are human.

I have struggled for a few weeks off and on since I ended T25.  I love that program but my knees were wanting a break.  I also love 21-day fix meal program which has nothing to do with my knees but I just got complacent!  I thought - oh, this can kind of work, or I stopped measuring and planning.  My biggest bad habit I fell back into is not eating.  I struggle a lot with making sure I get enough food in to fuel my body. When I didn't fuel my body, I didn't want to workout and it was a continuous horrible battle!

Thanks Karen for the new workout shirt!
It got me going today!

I am a mom.

I get busy.  

Although I get hungry, I get so wrapped up doing other things that soon the hunger disappears until it wont disappear and I am so hungry I go for whatever I can get!  With 21-day fix it is so important to plan ahead. Lucky for me I didn't gain any weight back, but I didn't lose as well as I could have either.

I have been getting back on track 90% of the time over the last few weeks but I have a goal in mind and I am bound and determined to reach it in the next 2 1/2 weeks.  I am determined to lose 5 lbs. It is a lofty goal. It could be unreachable, but I know that as I work hard and plan ahead, I have more than enough tools to get it done!

Last night, although it was 10:30 PM and I knew I was waking up at 5:30 (ended up 5 AM because of Caydee), I took the time to cut up some veggies and de-bone a rotisserie chicken.  If you fail to plan, You plan to fail!

I took a break from blogging because I wasn't trying my hardest.

You will know I am struggling when I am MIA.

There's nothing to show off with how proud I am of myself.

If my struggling helps others know it is ok and to not give up, I will start sharing!

If you notice I am MIA call me out!

There will be ups and downs on this weight loss roller coaster.

I have to remember I am human.

T25 Final Results

I did it!  I completed T25!  I did it in 12 weeks due to an injury and illness for a week each, but I completed it!  I am so excited to share my results!  I have not been this weight since getting pregnant with my first son, so, about 10 years!  I still have a long ways to go but I am off to a GREAT start!  I hope to be close to 180 in September when we head to Florida!  I will at that point weigh less than I ever since meeting my husband!

inches lost - 14.75
lbs lost - 22

I started out this journey at 219 - if I go to the beginning of right after having Caydee I started out at 234!  Today I weighed myself and I weight 197!!! I lost 22 lbs doing T25 and most importantly I lost 14.75 inches!  I lost 5 inches off my waist alone!  

I attribute my success to some amazing motivators and friends as well as the fact that I invested in myself.  I spend $115 each month for the past 3 months and so because of that I could not give up and let that money go to waist.  I also paid for the T25 program and 21 Day Fix program.  For me, money is definitely a big motivator.  I don't have a lot of it so what I do with it really matters.  Failing was not an option!

I will be starting a new program this week.  Have you heard of the new program that just came out PiYo?  It is a low impact workout which I am really needing after T25!  It is a mix of pilates and yoga.  I am super excited to get it and get started!

Results and Shakeology -

Well, I was .3 lbs away from being in the 199's!  Although I didn't hit it, I am ok with that!  I had an awesome week.  I am sure if a couple choices I made throughout the week eating wise would have been different I could have went down below 199 but it's life and although I strive to be perfect in my eating, I make mistakes or not even mistakes, choices, that my not be the most beneficial but still not horrible for me.

It reminds me of the talk by Dallin H. Oaks of good, better, best.  I made good choices, but I could have made better or best decisions that would have gotten me to that goal.  I will make it this week and I will blow that goal out of the water! I know this talk is more on the spiritual aspect of life but I will apply it to this part of my life as well!

Look at these 2 cute girls!  The skinny chick is my Caydee.  She is 4.5 months old.  The super happy chick is my Clarysa at 5.5 months old. I think they would look a lot alike if Caydee could get some weight on her!

Caydee was up all night with a bit of a fever.  At 5:30 AM I couldn't get back to sleep so I went down stairs and got some back to back workouts in!  I was up 3-4 times last night.  Up at 5:30 - got my workout in, shower in, make up on, and hair done!  Throw your excuses out the window!  You can do anything for 25 minutes and if you're really feeling up to it, double it up and get a killer burn!

I got a new do this last weekend too!  I love longer hair but mine always ends up looking stringy and gross!  I went to a bob and then an a-line.  I love it!  Makes me happy to have nice hair!

Now about shakeology - I decided to try shakeology a few months ago.  I have drank it every day since the beginning of April. A few of the the things I have noticed while using shakeology is a definite increase in energy.  I am amazed!  The other thing I have noticed is no longer having crazy cravings.  I use to think about chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. 90% of my day.  It was always on my mind what treat I could make, what crap I could eat real quick, etc.  I started thinking about it and it has been quite some time (so much so that I can't remember when) that I have even made a treat.  When I open the cupboard I go for my cashews or peanut butter and then put it on some bread with a banana.  I also drink my shakeology if I am really needing a treat.  I like the vanilla the best because I can add stuff to it, but I hear grand reviews of the chocolate too!

Consistency

UGH - Consistency is key and I am obviously not very consistent with this blog!  I want to figure out how to get my photos from my phone to my blog without having to do work arounds like emailing myself the pictures of plugging my phone into the computer.  I know that I can blog from my phone, but who wants to type on that small keyboard?  Once I figure it out (I've done it before), I have a lot to post, so stay tuned!

~ Hiding ~

Today I had a little bit of an ah ha moment!  

I have a little vulture in my home.  Well, really I have 3 but the biggest vulture is Carsyn.  He is turning 3 this weekend!  I love him to death!  (what does that mean?), I should say I love him to eternity because ah, he is the CUTEST little turd!  He could get away with murder!

Today, he tried to throw his cereal bowl in the sink.  It spilled out and down the counter.  Shredded mini wheats and left over milk all over the counter, cupboards, and floors.  When I found the mess, I said "ugh, who made this mess" and he replies emphatically, "me of course".  If only you could have heard it!  I just started laughing.  There is no getting mad at that boy with how honest and kind hearted he is!  He is always getting into things but his face after being caught just kills you!  

Anyway ~ back on topic!

Today as I was eating my 21-day fix breakfast -

4 pieces turkey bacon

2 eggs scrambled

1 yellow container oatmeal

1/2 purple frozen berries in oatmeal

1/2 purple frozen berries in smoothie

1/2 purple for a little banana in smoothie 

(smoothie made with water, wild orange Essential Oil, vanilla, and fruit)

I had this said little vulture at my side.  He was eating my bacon, my eggs, my smoothie and at first I was getting a little frustrated!  I had measured it all out for the plan.  I didn't want to be messed up!  I then realized it was ok.  What I was eating was healthy.  I didn't have to hide in my room as I was eating something I didn't want the kids to know about.   I wasn't scarfing down hidden oreos or m&m's I usually have hidden in the drawer below my computer.  I was eating good things for me and for him and if he has a little here and there that's fine and GREAT because he isn't eating crap and I am not hiding from him!  It is ok that my containers will be off a little here and there.  I can't measure how much he really ate but it doesn't matter!

I hope that this will instill better eating habits in them as well as me.  My kids are already pretty well rounded when it comes to food.  They eat veggies, fruits, anything really, without any real problem.  I lucked out in that department (unless I ask them to consume fish, then it's the end of the world)!

Week 4 Results -

WAHOO! Upping my calories and continuing my workouts really paid off!  I am down 2 lbs from last week!  I am super excited!  This road is long and slow but I know I am working on doing things the way I need to, to work for me!

I am also adding the program 21-day fix to my routine.  I love T-25 workouts so I am only doing the meal plan of 21-day fix but I know it will make a difference!  It took me 2 hours to plan out my menu for this week, but it is totally worth it.  I haven't wanted to snack on unknown things!  I go to my schedule, look at what's coming next, make it, and eat it!

I have only done this for 1 day and breakfast this morning and I am already learning a LOT about what I need to be eating!  I need to eat a lot more protien than I do and a LOT less carbs!  Not zero carbs, but less!  I also am getting in a LOT more veggies and fruits.  I hope I continue to love this program over the next 21 days!

I really need to work on my food photography skills if I am going to keep this up!  The top was what I had for breakfast and the salad was my lunch yesterday!  This is real food people!  I am so excited for the next 20 days to pass and see how this goes!  

I am also going dairy free for this little princess!  We are thinking her gaining weight issues might have something to do with a food allergy and not absorbing the nutrients from the foods!  I hope this works but at the same time, not eating dairy is VERY difficult!  Much more difficult than I thought!

My week 4 results -

Weight: 206.5 (down 1.5lbs)

Waist: 43 (no change)

Hips - 49 (down 1 inch)

Legs and Arm - (no change)

Confusing and Hard

I am going to rant and vent here for a second!

Weightloss is SO confusing and hard!

They say just burn more calories than you take in - not true - I burned over 3000 calories and stayed under my calorie goal and was between 1600-1800 calories/day!

They say don't eat too many calories.  They say don't eat to little calories.  And yet you see people using programs that take you down to 500-1000 calories with people having AMAZING results. I even personally know some of these people and I am so proud of them, but restricting down that much is not in the cards for me.

There are calorie calculators that say eat this many calories to lose weight.  I do that.  I follow it all. And then I have no loss.  I don't know how to do it!  I don't know how you all do it!

With the calculators they say choose if you are sedentary, active, moderately active, etc.  Who is to say that?  Who says if I am sedentary or active?  How do I choose? Some days I feel like I am so active and other days I sit at the computer all day every day and the only activity I get is my workout for the day!  How do you balance that?

They say you're eating too little, you're eating too much.  They say drink more water, cut out soda, don't eat out.  I tell you what!  I don't drink soda EVER!  I don't eat candy, well, sometimes I do, but not regularly.  We NEVER go out to eat.  I promise you, my family and I eat out about once a month and that is it.  I don't know where else I can change!  I don't know what to do.  There are so many conflicting statements out there and I feel like I have tried it all.

Although I am frustrated I will continue it and work hard because although I had a week of no loss, I am getting stronger.  I am able to do T25 with less modification.  I can feel the strength increasing!  I am loving it, although I am struggling.

Here's to a better, stronger week!  Please, help lift me up too!

Weekends are HARD ~

I have a love - hate relationship with the weekend!  During the week I am SO strong!  I am home all day, everyday, and rarely have a chance to flub up, unless there is something emotional going and and then I will find a way, any way, to flub up! Weekends are another story!

Weekends are SO hard for me!  At least the weekends like this weekend! Saturday we spent from 9 AM until 6 PM out and about running errands, having fun, and spending $$$! 

 We went to Trafalga in Orem and had some fun playing mini golf as a family.  We indulged in a pizza for the family and some dippin dots.  That is something we NEVER do.  I try to think it's the memories that count!  I hold that to my heart because spending time with my children and making memories really does matter to me and I know they love those times when we get out and do something different.

Today was another difficult day.  We blessed my dear Caydee and while it is a beautiful thing to have family around for the celebration of a baby, it is also very difficult. You know how the family bbq's go! 

There was shredded bbq chicken, cookies, cake, chips, pop, juice, etc.   Lucky for me I was nursing Caydee during the time everyone was dishing up so by the time I got to the desserts, there wasn't much left!  But, for breakfast, as we were driving to church I realized I hadn't eaten breakfast and I was starting to feel sick and weak and mentioned to my mom and she had a butterfinger in her car so that was it! 

It seems like there is always a weekend like this that comes up, nearly every weekend!  Next weekend is Mother's day, Susan G. Komen Race day, and Cris's birthday.  The next weekend is a farewell party, Carsyn's birthday, and the next I think is memorial.  I need help!  Weekends suck the life out of me!  My goals for this week is to better plan for this next weekend so I can make the best choices I can for the weekend we have.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Weight: 208 (no change :( )

Waist: 43 (no change)

Hips - 50 (down 1/2 inch)

Legs and Arm - I forgot to measure

How is it that the week I work the HARDEST (I burned on average 800 calories a day) I don't lose anything.  On top of weekends being hard, losing weight is REALLY hard!  I need to figure this out.  I cannot gain more weight and I NEED to be healthy and fit for my family!

2 Week Results -

Hey Hey, it's results day!!!

I had a couple days that really were hard for me!  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday really killed me.  Sunday was GREAT until my little ones asked to make a Sunday treat.  How can I say no to these faces?

Yesterday was actually pretty good but I did eat some candy and had a couple swallows of soda which I haven't had in MONTHS!

Anyway,  my results for the 2nd week weren't as big but still awesome!

My waist I lost another inch! Hips, half an inch, my legs and arms kind of stayed the same. To celebrate my success I got me a couple new outfits!  Here is one of them!  I was always scared to rock the leggings, but I am loving them!  I have another outfit that is super awesome too!

Weight - 208 (Down 1.8 lbs)

Waist - 43 (1 inch)

Hips - 50.5 (1/2 inch)

Legs and Arms stayed the same!

Perfection -

I am here to say - not every day is perfect!  I use to think that once I lost all the weight I need to lose, that would be it!  As I have been going through this for the last 3 years, I know that is not how it will work.

I had a SUPER busy day today.  It was suppose to be this super relaxing day of nothing because my husband had 3 of my kids but I chose to make it busy, get out of the house, and run all day long! I finally got my shake in and T25 around 10:00 PM thanks to my husband.  He literally dragged me from my bed to downstairs to get it done. It's been a rough few days of no sleep because of my little baby and I thought I could just "do it tomorrow"!  No excuses when it's just 25 minutes!

I had a few successes and fails today, which is where the title comes in.  There are days where I am strong.  Nothing tempts me.  I am unbeatable.  But then there are days like today where life just happens the way it does and you just have to say "it's ok!"

My major success was not eating a plethora of cookies that were on a plate right in front of my nose.  Normally when I had that at my disposal, I would have eaten two or three!  Today I skipped the cookie and went for lunch meat, no bread, no mayo, half slice of cheese, and carrots.  It was SO hard, but I felt SO strong afterwards!  There was also a bunch of soda but I went for water.  If things are free, I usually will just say eh, why not.  Today I skipped the free goodies and went for the free healthy goodies!

This afternoon is when I fell a little though.  We took the kids to the movies and had some starbursts and tootsie rolls.  I probably had 4 tootsies and 8 starbursts while watching the movie.  We also had pizza for dinner and I had 2 slices.  I still consider that a small success because I wanted more.  Normally I would eat 3 or 4 slices.

I am slowly realizing that this will be a life long battle I will have.  It use to be discouraging to me, now it is motivating.  I choose to win this battle.  I feel that before I came to earth, I chose this battle.  With the knowledge we had then, the perfect knowledge, I knew that I would be able to handle this challenge, and win.

Recently I heard a story of a completely disabled girl, who will never be married or have children, and she had such a positive attitude.  She knew that she had chosen to live that challenge and that she would have what she wanted and more in the life to come.  I choose to take on that attitude today.  I too choose to win this battle that God has given me.  Instead of looking at it as a burden and "why me?", I will now look at it as "why not me!" I know it seems petty considering some challenges friends, family, and strangers all over the world face, but this is my challenge, and I choose to win it!

First Week Results! ~ And Emotional Eating

I am so excited to post my results after week 1!!!
I meant to post Sunday or even yesterday, but life sure does get the best of you!

 I am down 2.6 lbs, 2 inches off my waist (I measured 3 times to make sure!), 1 1/4 inches off my hips, 1 inch off each thigh, and my arms pretty much stayed the same! 

I truly didn't know if it was going to work but by the end of the week I was noticing my pants not staying up like I like them too, so I knew something was happening! 

I have started LOVING the shakes!  I know I have posted how I have more energy, less cravings, etc. Those things are still happening!  I thought once I got use to the shakes it would get less and less but it hasn't!  I didn't drink a shake on Sunday and I tell you what, it was the worst day, EVER! There was a lot of emotional eating going on (more on that below) and I gave in to a lot of Easter m&m's and more.  

I started week 2 of T25 with my husband.  We both noticed how we are already a lot stronger or more focused.  We were able to complete more of the workout without modifying.  That is HUGE for me because there is A LOT of jumping involved!

I am so glad I took the plunge and bought the shakeology and T25!  My next goal after T25 is getting 21-day Fix.  Looks amazing and I have heard amazing things from it!

Now, on to emotional eating!  

It's very hard to distinguish between physical and emotional hunger, isn't it? These are some great guidelines to help us differentiate between the two!

I think we all have times when we eat emotionally.  Food is a comfort.  At least for me it has grown to be.  It doesn't matter if it is healthy food or junk food but it is a comfort of some sort.  On Sunday there was a lot of stress in my life.  Kids were crazy, I was grouchy, baby was sad, husband was cranky, you know those days, we all have them.  I hate it when they land on Sundays because Sundays are usually my best days where I reflect to try harder the next week.  I guess I still did that by the end of the day but there was a lot of crap eating before I stopped myself.  

A friend posted this on facebook this morning and I knew I had a topic to write about.  I need your help on how you overcome emotional eating?  How do you battle it?  What are some solutions you have found work for you?

Disgusting -

Last night as I was doing day 3 of T25, there was a lot of jumping involved.  Normally I wear tight pants, like biker shorts, but capri's.  Last night I decided to wear basketball shorts and boy was that a BAD decision!  I could LITERALLY hear my lower abdominal fat slap against my legs and lower abs.  It made me want to vomit.  What have I done to myself?  Why did I let it get this far?  Why is losing weight so hard for me?  Why is it so hard to stay on track, eat healthy, and do it all?

I know that we are sent to Earth to learn and grow.  Sometimes I wish I were born with the genes to be skinny without thinking about it.  To be what the world thinks is beautiful.  I wish that Satan didn't have so much hold on the hearts of men (and women) to make us feel ugly, fat, stupid, etc.  It makes me so irritated when I look at myself in the mirror and think "ewww, yuck, disgusting, ugly, fat, etc." because then IMMEDIATELY after I think - that's not true.  I hate that he can get to me like that!!!

I want more than anything to overcome this obstacle of weight!  I want to be FREE of the hold it has on me.  I also want to always love the body I have!  I am grateful for the body I have.  That I am able to have children.  Four beautiful children in fact!  I am so grateful for that!  I hope that I can teach my daughters to love themselves, no matter what, but I can only do that, if I show the same respect to myself!

Once upon a time . . .

Once upon a time a beautiful girl (me!) got pregnant with our fourth little one!  It turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL little girl.  She is pretty amazing!

Thanks Marissa Vargason Photography

Then, one day, this new momma decided it was time to get off her butt and do something.  She couldn't wait a year or more to get back into gear. She thought about it, and thought about it, but the gym just wasn't in the schedule of this sweet little angel.  

Many dear friends had shown her different plans.  Isagenix, Take Shape for life, beachbody, etc. Some seemed like great plans but man alive, she could not afford an extra $300-$400/month just for her food. 

Then  she remembered dear friend telling thisher about beachbody and shakeology for a while now, but she was always reluctant to try it. Shakes rarely taste good.  It seemed like a cheat to her, and she wanted to do it all on her own!

She decided to try all the samples she had been given over a weeks time and see where it went.  At first they were AWFUL!  She had to gag them down.  Forcefully swallow them.  And she wanted to die.  There was no way she was buying this stuff!  

But then she realized something.  She had so much more energy.  No craving for warm chocolate chip cookies, brownies, or candy occupying her brain at all hours of the night.  It was amazing.  If she could feel like this, she could deal with the nasty taste for a while!  And to top it off, in that week, without added exercise, she lost 3 POUNDS!!!

After thinking about it for another 2 weeks, she couldn't wait any longer.  She worked so hard on her own those two weeks.  She watched what she ate, stayed under calories, worked out nearly every day but lost nothing.  She was bummed.  

She decided to talk to her Prince, Mr. Major Frugal.  She just knew he would say no again.  He had so much faith in her winning this obesity thing on her own, he knew she could do it.  But She boy was she surprised when he said yes.  Granted there was a lot of analyzing, laying out all the different options, cost effectiveness, etc. but in the end, Prince Frugal agreed to let her try.

And so begins my story.  Among all the analyzing, laying out all the different options, cost effectiveness, and different strategies, I decided to become a coach.  I have always wanted to help other people achieve fitness and health goals.  I fell in love with working out a few years ago, and I can't stop!  We purchased the Focus T-25 challenge pack.  It is a 10 week program and it is HARD!  I completed the first workout last night.  I thought Jillian was hard, but woah man!  This is a total different ball game!

Please join me as I document this journey.  I am happy to say I purchased the vanilla shakeology and actually like it now.  I think it took getting a lot of the sugar out of my body.  I just wasn't use to something like a smoothie, not tasting like a shake or a jamba juice smoothie!

I hope to update a few times a week, with weigh-ins on Sundays!  Here's to losing 70-80 pounds!

My starting info is -

Weight: 212 lbs

Hips: 52 1/2 inches

Waist: 47 inches

Chest: 39 1/2 inches

Left Arm: 15 inches

Left Leg: 28 inches

I'm back with a recipe!

Bloggers, I don't know how you do it!  Between waking up at 4:30 AM to workout, my photography business, my kids, my family, and my husband, I rarely find the time to sit and write up a post!

It is so HARD for me to make sure I post a few times a week!  I hope to post at least once a week but even that doesn't happen sometimes!

I was hoping this blog would help me stay motivated and on track.  It has for the most part.  I don't get many comments but man I love seeing the number of page views go up! It makes me think of things to work on so I can talk about them and tell you how those things went!

I was also hoping I would start seeing results, but I haven't.  Not how I want to anyway.  The scale still varies between 206 and 208.  I got really close to 205 but then girl time came and I was back up to 208.  That's usually how it goes.  I get down to 206 then that monthly friend comes around and BAM I am back up to 208 and then I start over!

Today when I weighed myself, I found myself at 208.  I am going to TRY not weighing myself for 2 weeks instead of 1, and then gradually work up to 3 and 4 week periods.  I am trying to keep the mind frame of "It's not about the weight, it's about being healthy".  I know this is true, but it is SO hard to implement in life! 

 I do have to say a few things I am ECSTATIC about are - I have a line in my biceps!  It makes me so happy to see that line every time I am working them and makes me want to increase the intensity and get some FAB arms!  I also have a line in my calf's when they are flexed and it's beautiful!  

Those are the things I hold onto when the number doesn't change.  The fact that I am looking GREAT!  Today I also noticed and I am starting to see some ab lines!  60 minute ab workout in kickboxing is starting to pay off.  I just gotta remember to pull those abs in tight!

As for the recipe - this is my go to recipe when we want muffins.  I came across this muffin on Spark People and I LOVE it.  I hope it's as healthy as it seems.  When we I am craving a little extra sweetness, I mix up 1 tsp of cinnamon with 2 tsp of sugar and then melt 2 T of butter.  I dip the muffins in the butter and then the cinnamon sugar mixture and it tastes like doughnuts - almost!

Applesauce Oatmeal Muffins (from SparkRecipes)

1 cup rolled oats (not instant)
1 cup reduced-fat milk
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 egg whites
1 cup whole wheat flour ( I usually use white because I don't have wheat on hand)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. granulated sugar
Nuts or raisins (optional)

1. Soak the oats in milk for approximately 1 hour. (I usually skip this step if using quick oats, not whole oats)

2. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Spray a muffin pan with non-stick cooking spray.

3. Combine the oat mixture with applesauce and egg whites, and mix until combined.

4. In a separate bowl whisk together dry ingredients.

5. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Add nuts or raisins, if desired. **Do not over mix the batter or the muffins will be tough!**

6. Spoon batter into 12 prepared muffin cups. Combine cinnamon and sugar and top each muffin with some of the mixture.

7. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes or until done.

600 calorie burn in kickboxing today!

Sometimes it's ok!

It's been over a week since I posted.  I've just felt off for the last little bit, but today I woke up feeling GREAT with renewed strength to continue on this journey of mine!

I made a goal on March 15th that by June 15th I wanted to lose 25lbs.  3 months, totally doable!  I think that is what started me off not feeling great. For the last 1 1/2 years I have never had a goal in mind.  I've wanted to lose weight, but mostly I wanted to be more active.  I finally had gotten sick of not losing weight and was determined to hit 175.  My husband has NEVER known me at less that 185. 

This goal changed me though. It changed the way I looked at everything.  I became obsessed.  I started weighing myself every chance I got.  I started freaking out about what I was eating, and I started feeling like a failure.

It's funny to me, that before my goal even started, I began to give up and feel like a failure! Why did setting a goal make me feel like a failure?  Pretty sure it has something to do with a man named Satan and emotions of never giving or being enough.  He likes to get at me that way. He knows my weaknesses and he likes to pry them open with a crow bar and then pour salt into my wounds.

Wednesday and Thursday were such blah days, they were the salt in my wounds!  I didn't want to do anything.  I woke up with a migraine on Wednesday. I ate way too many crappy things.  I just didn't care.  I was burnt out.  Normally I feel bad about taking days off at the gym, but not this time, because sometimes it's ok to take a break.  It's ok to step back and take a look at what is going on in your life and what needs to really change.  It's ok to get the rest your body needs so when you do get up and decide to workout, you can kick trash at that workout and have the best workout yet.  It will leave you SORE and your muscles on fire, but it is totally worth it!  I love the active lifestyle I have now.  I love the desire I have for getting out and getting a good burn in for the day.  It makes me a happier person!

I want to keep my goal of 175lbs but if it doesn't happen, no harm done.  I can't continue obsessing over losing weight.  I need to remember that it's ok to get tired, it's ok to take a break, and sometimes it's ok to eat like crap, as long as I get back up and feel better and keep trying!

Today, when my alarm went off, I climbed back in bed, expecting to do the same thing, sleep in and have a blah day. I didn't really want to get up and go to the gym at 4:30 AM.  Lucky for me, I had only hit snooze on my alarm and it went off 5 minutes later.  I got up, said a prayer that today would be a good day, and I kicked butt at the gym.  I feel sore already.  I learned a new move that will knock the socks off of love handles I am pretty sure!  I started my day off right, here's to hoping I can start the weekend off right!

So - What Changed?

So - 

A few posts ago I said something changed. 

It wasn't really just one thing, it was a lot of things, but first things first - 

What I did today -

These things are DEATH! I am truly hoping one day they will get easier!  I thought kickboxing was death once too, but now I am in LOVE!

I truly hope it is the same with Spin! One day I will be able to complete the entire class!

This is me after Spin - I need to wear a different shirt where you can actually see all the sweat!  YUCK,  BUT awesome!

So, What really changed?

3 Months ago when I realized no matter how hard I had been working, I still wasn't losing weight, I began to want to give up.  I worked out 5-6 times a week burning anywhere between 400-700 calories.  I should have been losing weight, where was I going wrong?

I decided to focus on a few things.  I've picked up a few pieces of advice from friends, trainers, neighbors, and just plain healthy people, and I decided to piece all that information together and see what I get.

1. DRINK WATER - There are days (like yesterday) where I could go an entire day without drinking water.  My body doesn't like to tell me when it is thirsty. 

If you do not drink enough water everyday your body will store water and fat to compensate for the lack of water it is receiving.

Water naturally suppresses your appetite and also helps get rid of the salt in your system that makes you retain water!

 

2. Eat Protein - After every workout I now drink a protein shake.  It's just protein powder mixed with water. Nothing special!

Choose your protein powder carefully though. The one I am using right now I HATE. Really I am not sure there are any that truly taste good, but they help you stay full longer, feed your burned out muscle, and give you energy. In the next couple weeks I am going to be putting a post together about good protein powders!

 

3. COUNT YOUR CALORIES - I swore I would never count calories. I didn't want to be strapped to a number. I wanted to be able to eat whatever I wanted because I was working SO hard! There were days when I'd only eat breakfast and dinner or skip the first 2 meals of the day. NOT GOOD EATING HABITS!

I use the my fitness pal app.  I love it.  It's right on my phone.  I can add to it throughout the day so I know where I am at. If I notice I am eating too few of calories I can increase, if too much, I have a lighter dinner.  Knowing what I am putting in my body has been a huge change.

 

and finally

4. MEASURE YOURSELF, NOT YOUR WEIGHT -   Or and your weight.  I was so focused on the number on the scale not going down that I didn't notice the changes in my life.  I am usually no longer tired at 2 PM. I have much more energy to play with my kids.  I've lost 4 inches off my waist, 1 inch off my hips, 2 inches off my top, and 1 inch off my legs and arms.  The fat on my stomach is not as thick, and I am noticing a line in my abs a little, my biceps, and DEFINITELY my calves!  They are my favorite!

 

Most of all DON'T give up.  Find something you love and do it.  Wether it is walking with your kids, playing with them, or joining a gym, just do it.  Start small and work your way up.  I never dreamed I would be one to wake up at 4:30 AM every morning but here I am.  This morning I even woke up at 3:30 and couldn't sleep any more.  It's sometimes pathetic, but I love it.

 

I am pretty sure there is much more that has changed.  I know my attitude has changed from losing weight to being fit.  I can do things that a lot of skinny chicks cannot.  I am strong and I will win this battle of obesity, even if it takes me another year!  

 

 

Emotional Eating

Yesterday (as you can tell from my previous post) was a super hard, emotional day for me. 

If something could go wrong, it probably did, if someone could be mad, they probably were, and if there were cookies or pizza in the house, it probably would be eaten (which it was)!

I really hate emotional days.  I haven't figured out how to cope with them.  I still turn to food to bury my feelings, hoping it will make me feel good.  It doesn't usually!

 - let's be honest - it NEVER DOES!

3000 Calories - that's how many I ate yesterday!

When I have bad days I usually throw tracking to the wind and say "whateve"!

Not yesterday though.  I decided I needed to hold myself accountable.

I ate 10 Samoa G.S. Cookies, 4 slices of pizza, and an orange soda.

*remember the don't drink your calories post from a few days ago - I TOTALLY didn't listen!

2 years ago, after I had Carsyn, I had to have my gall bladder removed.  It was kicked to death by a squirmy baby inside.  Eating crappy food has never been the same.  I get SO SICK to my stomach and I can feel it for days.  The thing that processes all the fat in my body is gone. 

You would think that would be enough to deter me, but apparently it's not.

I know yesterday will not be the last emotional, super hard, very frustrating day so I need some help. 

The other day my blog got over 500 views.  All of you people - please - INSPIRE me! 

What are some of the things you have set in place to make sure you don't give in to emotional eating?  How have you overcome emotional eating? 

Does your brain (or Satan) ever tell you - 
"you suck, you will never be skinny"

"just eat the dang cookies, it's only one day"

"just eat the whole box, then they'll be out of your house"

My brain was on fire yesterday with all sorts of these sayings going on in my head.  I tried to get out and go for a walk and it worked for a while but then I let him get back into my head.

Today I started over.  I still lost 1.5 lbs this last week which made me happy.  

I was 209.8 and I am now 208.3!

I kicked the trash (or should I say punched) out of a boxing bag.

I burned 775 calories!

And it was AWESOME!

 

OH! And I wore a tank top to the gym!  It was a BIG thing for me! I didn't look too bad either 

(except when doing burpees or mtn climbers - tank may have to be for spin class only until my chest decides to DISAPPEAR!)

Bad Days -

Have you ever had such a BAD night that you just crawl into bed and go to sleep, only to wake up in the morning with that bad night turning your day into a bad day?

I am having that very moment today. 

I will take my success in small baby steps today!

I feel like going downstairs and getting the box of Oreos and just eating them all.

I am an emotional eater for sure!

The small success I've had this morning is eating a healthy breakfast,

instead of going downstairs and getting those 

OREOS

Don't worry, my bad day has nothing to do with my weight loss journey, 

just LIFE.

Sometimes life sucks and you just want to crawl in a hole until the sun is shining on your life again.

I am waiting for that today, and what more perfect day to wait for that then the warmest day of the year so far!  Here's to a SUPER sunny day and a much happier one for me!

No workout picture yet - I stayed in my hole this morning!  I hope to get a workout in at home today.  

I CAN DO IT!