Roller Coaster Ride

Last Thursday I had my weekly weigh-in.  Now that I have a gym, I actually weigh myself every time I go. REALLY NOT GOOD!

There is a reason they say not to weigh yourself more than once a week.  I know this reason, and yet, 

I still weigh myself everyday.  Some days I walk away hopeful,

and others, like today, I walk away discouraged.

A friend of mine posted a blog about infertility this morning.  It's a major trial in her life.  

I feel pretty superficial this morning even comparing my trial of weight-loss to her trial of having a family.

Her trial is so much more important in the eternal scheme of things but every single word she wrote I connected with in my own way. 

She talked of having the faith that she would have babies again (she just had twins, YAY!) but having lost the HOPE that it would happen.

I think I am there. It is just so darn frustrating.  I work my BUTT off every day now.  3 weeks I have worked out EVERY SINGLE day but Sunday, and here I sit at the same weight I was 3 weeks ago.

Last Thursday I was down 3 lbs.  This morning I am up 3 lbs so I sit at the exact same weight.

There are so many people I talk to that have their own success stories with getting fit and losing weight.  I look at them and think, why can't that be me?  Why after a year of working so hard, am I still over 200 lbs? Why has God given me this trial?  What am I suppose to learn from it?

Here are a few things I have learned about being heavy most of my life:

People are MEAN. They see a heavy person and think they must sit on their couch and eat bon bons all day.  Even though I have no clue what a freaking bon bon is!

As a kid being overweight it is so HARD. I never wish that on my kids. Again with the PEOPLE ARE MEAN. High school was torture for me. ZERO dates in high school.

Being heavy has led to severe emotional problems for me.  Satan grabs hold of my insecurities and yanks them all over the place.  I HATE HIM! 

Obesity will be with me my ENTIRE life.  Even if I reach my goal weight of 150 lbs, I will still have to watch every single thing I put in my mouth. If I have an indulge myself day, I will have to work 2 times as hard the next day. This trial will be with me FOREVER. 

I guess it's time to embrace it and decide to not let it control me.  I wish I could be the person that can eat whatever they want and still lose weight.  I wish I didn't wear a size 16 pants.  

I wish I played with my kids more and did more fun things with them, but I don't.

I never use to attribute that to losing weight but it's true.  I hear it all the time.

It's time to embrace myself, love myself, and get on with this weight loss roller coaster ride!