Emotional Eating

Yesterday (as you can tell from my previous post) was a super hard, emotional day for me. 

If something could go wrong, it probably did, if someone could be mad, they probably were, and if there were cookies or pizza in the house, it probably would be eaten (which it was)!

I really hate emotional days.  I haven't figured out how to cope with them.  I still turn to food to bury my feelings, hoping it will make me feel good.  It doesn't usually!

 - let's be honest - it NEVER DOES!

3000 Calories - that's how many I ate yesterday!

When I have bad days I usually throw tracking to the wind and say "whateve"!

Not yesterday though.  I decided I needed to hold myself accountable.

I ate 10 Samoa G.S. Cookies, 4 slices of pizza, and an orange soda.

*remember the don't drink your calories post from a few days ago - I TOTALLY didn't listen!

2 years ago, after I had Carsyn, I had to have my gall bladder removed.  It was kicked to death by a squirmy baby inside.  Eating crappy food has never been the same.  I get SO SICK to my stomach and I can feel it for days.  The thing that processes all the fat in my body is gone. 

You would think that would be enough to deter me, but apparently it's not.

I know yesterday will not be the last emotional, super hard, very frustrating day so I need some help. 

The other day my blog got over 500 views.  All of you people - please - INSPIRE me! 

What are some of the things you have set in place to make sure you don't give in to emotional eating?  How have you overcome emotional eating? 

Does your brain (or Satan) ever tell you - 
"you suck, you will never be skinny"

"just eat the dang cookies, it's only one day"

"just eat the whole box, then they'll be out of your house"

My brain was on fire yesterday with all sorts of these sayings going on in my head.  I tried to get out and go for a walk and it worked for a while but then I let him get back into my head.

Today I started over.  I still lost 1.5 lbs this last week which made me happy.  

I was 209.8 and I am now 208.3!

I kicked the trash (or should I say punched) out of a boxing bag.

I burned 775 calories!

And it was AWESOME!

 

OH! And I wore a tank top to the gym!  It was a BIG thing for me! I didn't look too bad either 

(except when doing burpees or mtn climbers - tank may have to be for spin class only until my chest decides to DISAPPEAR!)

Bad Days -

Have you ever had such a BAD night that you just crawl into bed and go to sleep, only to wake up in the morning with that bad night turning your day into a bad day?

I am having that very moment today. 

I will take my success in small baby steps today!

I feel like going downstairs and getting the box of Oreos and just eating them all.

I am an emotional eater for sure!

The small success I've had this morning is eating a healthy breakfast,

instead of going downstairs and getting those 

OREOS

Don't worry, my bad day has nothing to do with my weight loss journey, 

just LIFE.

Sometimes life sucks and you just want to crawl in a hole until the sun is shining on your life again.

I am waiting for that today, and what more perfect day to wait for that then the warmest day of the year so far!  Here's to a SUPER sunny day and a much happier one for me!

No workout picture yet - I stayed in my hole this morning!  I hope to get a workout in at home today.  

I CAN DO IT!

How much . . .

"How much weight have you lost?"

That is a question I get asked almost daily, or quite often.  

It is very frustrating to say "I really haven't lost anything".  They always come back with "well, you look great, it must be turning into muscle".  

I know it is!  I can finally see it.  I see a line in my biceps.  I see a line in my stomach.  The fat on my lower abs isn't as THICK (growse, I know). 

But to answer the real question - "how much weight have you lost?"

I really DON'T KNOW!

I started this journey for REAL after having my last son (Carsyn).  He is going to be 2 in May so I guess this is a 2 year journey thus far.  I wish I could be one of those that have lost it all in 1 year and then kept it off, but life gets in the way.

My highest weight while pregnant with Carsyn was 238. I am not entirely sure that is the final number.  I believe that was at 35 weeks or so.  I stopped looking eventually.  After having Carsyn I had to have my gall bladder removed.  After I was all healed from that I really started paying attention and keeping track I remember weighing in at 228. 

I started a boot camp class in Logan at 221 and lost 12 lbs in SIX WEEKS.  It felt GREAT!  I loved the class and honestly if it weren't for that class, I would have never thought I could do what I do now at the gym.  

Shortly after the session started my husband got a job in Provo (2 hours away).  He had to leave during the week and was only home for a day and a half before going back.  It was the hardest 3 months of my life.  We put our house up on the market and were stressed beyond belief.  I was able to maintain the 12 lbs I had lost with another round of bootcamp, but that was it.  I should be more proud of the fact that I maintained through all the stress but I was pretty bummed.

After we moved I got back up to 221.  I was frustrated with myself!  I found some running partners and they got me going.  This was in March and by August I was down to 208, which is where I am now.  

I truly haven't lost weight since August. Oh how frustrating it can be.  I've wanted to give up several times but there are so many wonderful people that have pulled me through the rough times, encouraged me to keep going, etc.  

I have fallen in LOVE with kickboxing and pump classes.  When I miss them I beat myself up all day wishing I had gone. There has been a change in me since August and it's a change that really needed to come.

 My new shirt!  Not quite ready to break out the tanks.  Almost a tank top, but not quite!  And a bright color to keep everyone awake!

 Mid-workout!  Today kicked my trash.  According to my handy dandy heart rate monitor, I burned 850 calories with kickboxing and 15 minutes on incline of 7 on the dreadmill!

 These bags are my BEST friend on Tuesday and Thrusdays!

Stay tuned for what that change is!

Soda - DON'T DRINK YOUR CALORIES

I NEVER drink soda.  

When I say never, I really mean never.  I may have 1 soda ever 3 or 4 months, if that!  When we go out to restaurants, we always get water.  Not because it's water I want, but water is FREE and with the FRUGAL husband I have, water it is!

This weekend we went to Logan (2 hour drive) to celebrate my sisters 30th birthday!  We threw her this little surprise party and went bowling.  There  was pizza, chips, and a whole lot of soda but no water in sight!

I was SO proud of myself.  I only had 2 slices of pizza.  I normally would have eaten about 4, sometimes 5 slices.  While eating the pizza I thought I was being good by only drinking half of a cup of root beer.

We then went bowling they had code red.  Code Red is my ALL TIME favorite soda.  It's got such a yummy taste and gives me a boost of caffeine, I LOVE IT! It is my weakness for sure.  I got a 20 oz to share with my sister, but I'm pretty sure I drank most of it.

We then went to my mom's house.  She had made some yummy sloppy joes (I only ate 1), there was some yummy potato salad, the BEST potato salad made by my grandma, I only had 1/2 cup of that. But then there was root beer.  My 2nd greatest weakness in soda other than code red.

At the end of the night I entered all my information into myfitnesspal (friend me if you're on there) and I went over my calorie goal by 450 calories. Wanna know how many calories was in all the soda I drank?

463

I DRANK MY CALORIES -

I could have endulged in another sloppy joe instead of feeling hungry, had another slice of pizza, had some more of my grandma's salad.  I could have had some chocolate chip cookie or who knows what, but I DRANK MY CALORIES!

I was more upset over the fact that I drank my calories than the fact that I went over for 1 day!  DON'T DRINK YOUR CALORIES, it's not worth it and will leave you unsatisfied and craving more for days!

Heart Rate Monitor

I am trying to lose weight the right way. 

I would say trying my hardest, but I've had a bad weekend through Monday and it DEFINITELY was not trying my hardest!

I've been tracking my food, watching what I eat, changing routines, and working out nearly EVERY DAY for at least 60 minutes with little to no results. There must be some results I don't see because everyone tells me how great I look, and I feel great too!  Some days I feel as if they are saying I look great though because they know how hard I am trying and want to give encouragement, not because it's really true (but that's a post for another day!)

So, with nothing changing and no measurable results being found I decided to invest in a heart rate monitor.  I know that 98% of losing weight is the food you put into your body, but I was worried I wasn't getting my heart rate up for a long enough time period. I bought the Polar FT4.

I've only had it for one day and today was my first time using it.  So far I like it!

I used it in my kickboxing class this morning.  This class OBLITERATED me today! I LOVE it!

Anyway, back to the heart  rate monitor - Today my heart rate monitor said my average HR was 168, my maximum was 184, and the time in target heart rate zone was only 10 minutes. My target HR zone is 125-165.  So, I am putting this out there - what does this mean?  Is it bad that my HR is always above my zone?  Does it mean I am working harder but burning less calories?  I am so confused!  

On a good note, my resting heart rate this morning was 56 which is PRETTY awesome!

Here's to learning more about being healthy and doing it the right way!

Weight loss and vacationing (posted 1.24.13)

I just returned from a 3 week vacation to Hawaii -


One of my biggest fears of going on a 3 week vacation was gaining weight.  I knew we would be eating out nearly EVERY meal.  Not to mention the delicious Polynesian food they have there.  I was scared.  I didn't have access to any weights, a gym, and not a lot of time to exercise.

We had been there for 4 days when I found a scale to step up on.  It said 215.  I had gained 6 POUNDS in FOUR days.  It killed me!  I didn't think I had done that bad, but apparently I was WRONG!

I remember walking up to Cris and saying "I hope that scale is wrong because it says I am up 5 pounds" and he looked at me and said "it's actually right, it says the same weight for me as at home"

My hopes of a miscalculated scale were OVER!  I needed to change what I was eating, how active I was, and what I was doing and I needed to change it FAST!

I started to eat only half the rice and meat that was served, drink LOTS of water with each meal, and not snack as much on the beach.  I decided I would swim for 30 minutes while snorkeling each day.  It wasn't much, but it worked.  Especially when there was rough water, HOLY ARM WORKOUT!

At the end of the remaining 2 weeks I was back down to 211 and somehow by the time Thursday morning came and I went to the gym, I had gotten back down to 209, the exact weight I was when I left.  

THANK GOODNESS!

Now, I don't know so much about this birthday weekend for my Rysa girl and the 120 cake bites we have in our home because a snow storm prevented family from coming and having dinner with us!

Getting to the Nitty Gritty (posted 1.8.13)

I don't know how many people read this blog.  I know some still do because I get comments every now and then.  I am going to start using this as a way to not only document my family life but also get into my personal life as well.

I am on a journey to a healthier me in 2013 and it's going to be a LONG road ahead.  I am going to need all the motivation I can get so if I post about weightloss, please, leave a comment.  Keep me on this path!

Tonight I watched Biggest Loser.  It made me realize that while I've got the physical thing of losing weight down.  I can workout for 1.5 hours.  Work my butt off, and not give up, etc.  I do not have the emotional part down.

How do you get that?  How do you get through all the baggage that obesity brings?  I have been overweight my whole life.  There is so much negativity drawn from that.  That negativity spirals into so many other areas of life that it no longer is just about the weight.  So, how do you get to the bottom of it without a therapist?  How do you let go  of all those crazy thoughts you've led yourself to believe? How do you rid yourself of the negativity become the girl our Heavenly Father wants you to be?

Today for my fast I fasted for an open heart.  Mainly and open heart to start feeling Heavenly Father's unconditional love.  I know he loves me but I let Satan in and persuade me differently.  I will figure this out.  Keep on following me on this journey as I do, and if you have any suggestions - COMMENT PLEASE!